I couldn’t understand why God gave me this child, conceived through “marital rape.” My marriage was in a shambles, the pregnancy threatened my health, and I had no idea how I was going to support another child. I was confused and angry. My co-workers and family are pro-choice and encouraged me to get an abortion. For me, that was never an alternative. I was extremely scared about my situation, but I was not angry at this child I was carrying.
I delivered Erika, a beautiful, perfect child and shortly thereafter had to return to work. When she was 10 months old, I was finally forced to quit my job and go on disability due to being in and out of remission from multiple sclerosis. At this time, my husband physically abused me for the last time, and I found one too many love letters from other women in his possession. I found it necessary to file for divorce for the protection of my children and me.
This was the biggest step of faith I could have taken. Here I was…unpredictable health, on disability, a single parent and three small children depending on me. I knew God’s promises that He would never leave me nor forsake me, and that He would supply all of my needs…not wants…but needs. Somehow, with God as my rock, I knew we would make it. God loved these children even more than I was capable of loving them. I clung to Jeremiah 29:11-13, knowing He could not lie and would keep His promise to me to ‘give me a future and a hope.’
He has done that and more. Things have not always been easy, but I have learned so much about God’s character, love, forgiveness, steadfastness, trustworthiness and power. I am so thankful for His instruction and direction in my life. I have since met my current husband and been richly blessed by him. He has adopted my three daughters, now ours, and he is their dad.
It has now been 23 years since Erika was born. I cannot imagine life without her. I look at her and think to myself, ‘how could anyone abort such a beautiful child.’ My pregnancy was indeed unplanned, a ‘crisis,’ and we were under horrific circumstances, but with God as my rock, my children and I withstood the storm surrounding us.
I didn’t know then, but I do know now that God was preparing me for a ministry to other women dealing with ‘crisis’ pregnancies. I never considered myself a ‘people’ person; I would have much preferred to stick to myself doing computer work. I know my serving at APS has to be of Him, and consider it a real blessing and an honor for me to be used by God in this way.
Yes, a crisis pregnancy, whether by rape or by our own promiscuity is horribly frightening. And when you’re in the midst of it, you don’t know how He is going to work it out, but He does. If you really seek Him, somehow, someway He’ll work it out. I thank God He helps us through these times.